Gay Marriage and Why You’re for It

Wait, what? When the hell did I say I was for gay marriage?

You didn’t. But you must be or else you’re wrong.

But that’s ridiculous! This is an opinionated subject and no one can be right or wrong!

Relax. That’s just what they told you in kindergarten to shut you guys the hell up. The truth is that there are occasionally “right” and “wrong” sides to an issue. This being one of them.

But gay marriage is wrong because two men/women having sex with each other is disgusting!

I think fat republicans having sex is disgusting too. Does that mean we should not allow them to marry also?

But gay marriage is wrong because the bible is against it!

1. In that very same testament, the bible also demands that you sacrifice your firstborn to God. So if you’re going to follow the old law of not allowing homosexuals to marry, you must also kill/plan to kill your firstborn child.

2. (Quite possibly the most important point in American law today) Christians didn’t invent marriage. Just because two gay people are marrying doesn’t mean they are doing it under your god’s terms. And America, being a secular country, cannot base its laws on any religious doctrine.

If we allow homosexuals to marry, pretty soon we’ll be allowing people to marry animals!

Animals can not sign or display any kind of consent, are not considered citizens, are not even the same race, and have nothing to do with homosexuals. This has absolutely nothing to do with gay marriage. The logic here seems to be “I think X is weird. I also think Y is weird. Therefore if I am tolerant of X, I must also be tolerant of Y.” Now it sounds kind of silly, doesn’t it?

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To sum things up:

• If you ban gay marriage because you think it is gross, then I should also be able to ban you from having sex.
• If you ban gay marriage because you agree with the bible, then you must first sacrifice your firstborn child.
• If you ban gay marriage because you’re worried about people having sex with animals, you need to say that out loud to yourself until you realize how stupid that sounds.

All that being said, you are pro-gay marriage. Yes, even if you hate homosexuals.

Written by Melancton Tuesday, 12 June 2007 on http://www.wylfwt.com